During my recent great therapy session, my therapist and I were discussing road blocks that I have in my work-at-home mom career. (Hmm… road blocks… another analogy.) What is stopping me from moving forward? Well… I’m not an “expert” on anything. “Be the expert“ and “You don’t necessarily have to be the expert, you just have to appear to be one” are comments that I’ve heard over and over again in the WAHM community. (Just to be clear, I’m not entirely sure this is what was said, only what I heard.) I can’t work that way. I think that’s lying and being phoney! Whether I heard it right, or not, whether it’s being phoney, or not, doesn’t even matter. What matters is that somewhere in my mind, I believed it. I believed that I had to be an expert or I couldn’t get anywhere with my work.

However, just as soon as I said that out loud, a new thought popped into my mind.  Chicken Soup for the Soul!  Ah ha!  I don’t HAVE to be an expert!  I don’t HAVE to know everything! Who says I can’t use other people’s information and opinions (with permission, of course) to pull that together? Seriously… Chicken Soup for the Soul wasn’t written by one person. It is a compilation of other stories presented by two people (Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen).  I can do that!  I can use my vision and my knowledge of the subject and fill in the blanks with information others already know.  DUH!  Seems like a no-brainer NOW!  (Those road blocks can be rough.)

Now there are messages out there everywhere confirming this thought and I can retrain my tricky little mind into believing a new reality.   On Twitter this morning, @AWHWorg said “Don’t wait until you are ‘expert’ enough! Find other experts & great resources. Be the talent scout. Ask Q’s for your customers. Get set GO!“  And I didn’t previously follow her on Twitter.  Someone else retweeted her comment for me to find.  And then I found this article: You Don’t Need to Be an Expert to Be Successful (different subject, same bullet points). 

The universe is talking to me. 

P.S. The “work” I was referring to in this blog is for my Home Fitness for Women website, in case you want to visit.

So pardon me while I whine and complain for a few minutes.  Hopefully this will get me out of my Monday morning funk and get me moving again…

I’m tired!  I’m tired of doing the same damn thing over and over again and ending up right where I started. 

My kitchen sink is full of dishes.  My dishwasher is also full of dishes and running.  I know I did them yesterday!  My kitchen floor is dirty.  You know… the one I scrubbed on my hands and knees last weekend despite the fact that I’ve had back pain for a month?  And I can’t get to my children’s beds to kiss them good night in the evenings without threat of getting sucked into the quick-sand of toys and clothes scattered across the room.  Didn’t we just clean?  UGH!  I could go on and on.  I won’t though, because I’m guessing that you’ve been there, done that.  You know exactly what I mean, don’t you?  And yes, I have met the FlyLady.  And YES, I am being too picky!!  (And yes, I did have to go back and put that second “o” in the “too” in that sentence because I have issues like that toO!) 

So, what’s up with this twenty pounds? I’ve lost this same damn 20 pounds over and over and over again.  I should SOOooo know better than to ask.  Because I already know ALL the answers.  Yes, I quit smoking in October.  Yes, I ate too much during the holidays (was that four months ago already?).  Yes, I’ve been working out and yes I know that muscle weighs more than fat.  Yes, it probably has something to do with my level of stress and my prescription medication (which I won’t be able to keep taking now that I don’t have the insurance to pay for it).  Yes, I am getting older and my metabolism is slowing down.  SO WHAT?  Have any of these reasons EVER made that mushroom top look more attractive?  No!  I didn’t think so!  (Did I forget to mention the second serving of chili with cheese and sour cream I had last night?  Or the cocktail I had?  Oh Pleeeease!  That has NOTHING to do with anything!)

And speaking of exercise, why is it that every time I start feeling like I’m making progress, something happens that forces me to stop?  Last year I was starting to train to run a 5K.  I’ve never ever been able to run more than a 1/4 mile without stopping, but I was making progress for the first time ever and ….  Oops!  I was in an accident and hit my head (bad enough to warrant an MRI) which took me off of the exercise agenda for weeks.  That was the end of that.  When I started running again, my shins gave out.  Then when I started again, my back went out.  What the heck?  Is there some cosmic force telling me I shouldn’t exercise for some reason?  Well, guess what?  I’m not listening!  I’m going to get back on that treadmill if it kills me!  (Which it might.)

And now I have next to no income and HAVE to get my website businesses going.  I HAVE to find some creative way to spur business and make this profitable or my children don’t get to eat.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be creative under that kind of pressure?  (Okay… me and the other half of the population these days.  Am I preaching to the choir?  Sorry.)

And… and… and….  How am I doing with this self-pity party so far?  Yeah, I thought so.  But sometimes ya just gotta vent!

Yes, I know that I have complete control over ALL of this.  And I’m going to go clean my dishes and get on my treadmill (where my creative juices will start to flow) and then I’ll get some website work done. 

Because I can!

Because I won’t quit!

See?  I feel better already!

As you probably know, my position at work was eliminated a week and a half ago. (i.e. I was fired… and the reason given: “it’s just business”.) Needless to say, after working for a brand new company for 11 months and having been promoted twice in that time frame, being let go was a rather big shock. Yes, I’m sure it’s for the best.

So, obviously we are going to add a large amount of financial stress into this equation since my unemployment benefits will be almost $200 less a week than my paycheck and I will be losing my insurance (for all the good it did me anyway). One of my prescriptions is $220 a month for the GENERIC! I’m waiting for my doctor to give me a solution to that problem.

My back hurts like hell! I threw it out coughing when I had a chest cold a month ago. I’ve gotten a massage, two chiropractic adjustments and done quite a bit of walking and stretching. I was doing well for a couple of weeks, but the recent stress has led to muscle tension which has led me to walking like a 90 year old man again.

I had a fight with my husband last week about an old unresolved issue. He has forgiven me for things that I had gotten myself into during my “mid-life crisis”, but I have been unable to forgive him for what preceded the entire breakdown in our relationship. Obviously, there is alot more work to be done in that area on my part.

And then there is the issue of what-do-I-do-now? Again, I am faced with the question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My slate is clean. I have a fresh place to start. What on Earth do I do with it? I think I want to work for myself again. I want to pick up my website consulting and my fitness mentoring where I left it and make it all work this time. But who am I to be successful at that? I know alot and I am organized and resourceful, but I’m certainly no expert!

Believe it or not, I actually managed to get all of these thoughts out and discussed in an hour. We discussed what has happened, how and why to get around my roadblocks, and she gave me an incredible amount of confidence in the process. I wasn’t quite sure if she was my psychotherapist or if she had transformed into a life coach. I believe she has managed to be both. I’ve seen her off and on for at least two years now and we’ve made incredible progress, especially lately. Today was definitely one of the great therapy sessions. There was so much energy in the room that she actually started to “get goosebumps” and cry. Yes, her. Not me. Although I did leave with an entirely different attitude than I walked into that room with.

Look out world! Here I come!

By the way, if you are ever in need of a great therapist in Western NC, her name is Roberta Moore and her practice is Conscious Choices.

This morning I lost my job.

“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.” ~Author Unknown

What am I going to do now? I don’t know yet, but I believe I have plenty of options. I could take some time off. I could go find another job. I could jump back into my website business with a new gusto! Time will tell.

I think I’ll sit back for a little while and see what my soul tells me to do.

Stay tuned!

“Even nectar is poison if taken to excess.”  ~Hindu Proverb

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”  ~Louisa May Alcott

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.”  ~Michel de Montaigne

“Life is the sum of all your choices.”  ~Albert Camus

“Health is a large word.  It embraces not the body only, but the mind and spirit as well;… and not today’s pain or pleasure alone, but the whole being and outlook of a man.”  ~James H. West

“To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short.”  ~Confucius, Analects

“No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.”  ~Harry Emerson Fosdick

Balancing Your Home and Business Life without Having Super Powers

Article by: Aurelia Williams

For moms who work from home, balancing the home and business sides of their lives can feel downright impossible, especially when the reason they began working from home was so they could spend more time with family. However, many home businesses actually fail because moms don’t manage to balance business and home life. How can you juggle your family’s needs, your business needs and occasionally find some time for your needs without being a super hero?

The first thing any mom should do to achieve balance is to get the family involved. If your children and husband support you, you will find that they interrupt less often and are more likely to pitch in to get household chores done. You’re probably thinking that will happen the day the moon turns to blue cheese, right? However, if you mention that you need to get a major project done and will be able to buy a pizza and rent a video when you are paid, you may be surprised at how quickly everyone pitches in to help out.

If you have young children, they may not be able to understand the concept of waiting for a reward. To get your younger children involved, try explaining what you are doing in very simple terms and having them help you. Set up a small desk or table for your toddlers and add crayons and paper so they can help you with your work by drawing some pictures or writing a letter. Children that are a bit older can put stamps on envelopes and seal them, paperclip papers together or do other simple organizational tasks.

Of course, no matter how supportive your family and friends are, they are not going to be happy if you work 15 hours a day. Make sure that you ask for uninterrupted time to do your job or run your business, but also make sure that you schedule time for your family and friends. While you are making up that schedule, don’t forget your significant other. If you sit at your computer all evening after the children are tucked away for the night, you may end up with some serious relationship issues!

Once your family and friends are involved and you’ve scheduled time for them in your life, it is time to consider a few ways to make the most of your valuable work time. While you may be tempted to work non-stop during the time you have dedicated to your business, you should actually try to take some breaks. Taking a half-hour walk or having lunch away from your desk can really help you recharge your mind and keeps your body from growing stiff and tired. When you sit back down, you can do so with a clearer view of your goals and fresh energy and focus.

Also, don’t be afraid to make a “to do” list for your business. Write the four or five items you absolutely must do on your list and promise yourself that you will get them done before you visit your favorite forums or check your email. This can really help you get more work accomplished in less time.

So, although you may not have super powers, you can still have a home life, a business life and some time for yourself. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, ask your family for some help and try out a few of these great ideas for balancing your life.

Article by: Aurelia Williams is the author of Journey To Joy, an inspiring eBook that explores many obstacles that women face. It also provides essential action steps, worksheets, resources and an hour long Balancing Your Life Audio.

http://bigthinkers.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/listening-to-the-call-of-our-soul/

I think one of our problems as moms is that we don’t have enough quiet time to just stop and listen to our soul.  There is always something that demands our attention. And then when we do find the time to be still, we are so tired that our inner voice just says “good night” and falls asleep.   (You know it’s true!)

Yesterday I had one of those precious moments where it was actually quiet enough for me to just sit and listen. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get past the point where I kept thinking “don’t bother… they’ll be home any minute”.  But I’ve recognized that my soul is indeed trying to talk to me.  I haven’t figured out what it is trying to say yet, but I’m starting to listen.

Oh, mid-life crises are real! (And they don’t just occur when you turn 50.) They occur when you get to a point in your life when you take a good hard look at your life so far and PANIC! Is this what the rest of your life is going to look like?

If I were to put a time on mine, I would say that it’s been going on for about three years and only now do I recognize it for what it was. It started when I was 38 when my family and I moved to North Carolina. I was tired, lonely and had dealt with a fair amount of stress. I fell into a depression. I’ve written about this before. But what I didn’t tell you is this…

I ran away!

From everything.

I stopped cleaning my house.  I stopped helping my children with homework.  I stopped going to school meetings.  I stopped worrying about our budget.  I just stopped!  My husband pretty much took over everything and became “Mr. Mom”.

I traded in my mommy-mobile (SUV) for a sportier car.  I got 3 tattoos.  I spent my weekends out acting like a single person.  I didn’t care about anyone but myself.  I convinced myself that I no longer wanted to be a wife and mother and that I wanted to move out of my house and leave it all behind.

Thank goodness the economy sucks big-time and I couldn’t leave.  There was no way I was going to afford living on my own and paying child support.

I got myself back into therapy and on medication.  Slowly, very slowly, I started coming back.  I realized that what I was looking for was here all along… just buried under all the stress.  I realized that all of my “balance” and organization and trying to “be it all” just wasn’t realistic.  At least not by myself.

You see, my husband learned a whole hell of a lot too in the past three years.  He found out that every time he told me he “understood” what I was going through, he really had no clue at all.  But when it was all dumped on his shoulders, he found out pretty damn quick.  NOW he understands!  (And I love him more for it.)

I have gone back to work full-time. (I need to find my independence again… and pay some of these bills.)  I’ve started cleaning and taking care of my family again.  I’ve started sleeping again. (There’s a blessing!)  I’m finding a way to balance who I need to be and who I want to be.  (And I’m still trying to figure out who I want to be.)  They are not always the same thing and suppressing who I want to be for my family was not a smart or loving idea. 

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to know that it is okay not to be perfect and have it in balance all the time.  I want you to know how important it is to take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else. (And it’s therapeutic for me to put it in writing.)

So, go ahead and balance your life.  It’s critically important!  However, it is just as important to remember that you don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to be in contol all the time and you really don’t have to do it all by yourself.

(P.S.  I looked back at some of my older blog posts before writing this.  I still believe in what I wrote.  And I really did find my happiness in 2009.  It will only get better from here.)

If you’re feeling a little frazzled by all you have on your plate and it seems there is no time left for you to relax – or even breathe, download this quick guide. It has 15 ideas you can use right away to help reduce your stress and put a little fun back into things.

Click here to download yours.

This guide is generously provided by Journey to Joy, your guide to a more fulfilling life as a mom and Dine without Whine – every mom’s meal planning lifesaver.

*You will need Adobe Acrobat Viewer to read this file. You can download it for free here.

Kids are also home, on school break, and my routine is completely out of whack. I can’t get any work done without interruption.

I have lost my space. I have lost my routines. I’m freaking out and stressing out in every way imaginable.

Thank God I have a massage tomorrow morning!