Oh, mid-life crises are real! (And they don’t just occur when you turn 50.) They occur when you get to a point in your life when you take a good hard look at your life so far and PANIC! Is this what the rest of your life is going to look like?

If I were to put a time on mine, I would say that it’s been going on for about three years and only now do I recognize it for what it was. It started when I was 38 when my family and I moved to North Carolina. I was tired, lonely and had dealt with a fair amount of stress. I fell into a depression. I’ve written about this before. But what I didn’t tell you is this…

I ran away!

From everything.

I stopped cleaning my house.  I stopped helping my children with homework.  I stopped going to school meetings.  I stopped worrying about our budget.  I just stopped!  My husband pretty much took over everything and became “Mr. Mom”.

I traded in my mommy-mobile (SUV) for a sportier car.  I got 3 tattoos.  I spent my weekends out acting like a single person.  I didn’t care about anyone but myself.  I convinced myself that I no longer wanted to be a wife and mother and that I wanted to move out of my house and leave it all behind.

Thank goodness the economy sucks big-time and I couldn’t leave.  There was no way I was going to afford living on my own and paying child support.

I got myself back into therapy and on medication.  Slowly, very slowly, I started coming back.  I realized that what I was looking for was here all along… just buried under all the stress.  I realized that all of my “balance” and organization and trying to “be it all” just wasn’t realistic.  At least not by myself.

You see, my husband learned a whole hell of a lot too in the past three years.  He found out that every time he told me he “understood” what I was going through, he really had no clue at all.  But when it was all dumped on his shoulders, he found out pretty damn quick.  NOW he understands!  (And I love him more for it.)

I have gone back to work full-time. (I need to find my independence again… and pay some of these bills.)  I’ve started cleaning and taking care of my family again.  I’ve started sleeping again. (There’s a blessing!)  I’m finding a way to balance who I need to be and who I want to be.  (And I’m still trying to figure out who I want to be.)  They are not always the same thing and suppressing who I want to be for my family was not a smart or loving idea. 

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to know that it is okay not to be perfect and have it in balance all the time.  I want you to know how important it is to take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else. (And it’s therapeutic for me to put it in writing.)

So, go ahead and balance your life.  It’s critically important!  However, it is just as important to remember that you don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to be in contol all the time and you really don’t have to do it all by yourself.

(P.S.  I looked back at some of my older blog posts before writing this.  I still believe in what I wrote.  And I really did find my happiness in 2009.  It will only get better from here.)

If you’re feeling a little frazzled by all you have on your plate and it seems there is no time left for you to relax – or even breathe, download this quick guide. It has 15 ideas you can use right away to help reduce your stress and put a little fun back into things.

Click here to download yours.

This guide is generously provided by Journey to Joy, your guide to a more fulfilling life as a mom and Dine without Whine – every mom’s meal planning lifesaver.

*You will need Adobe Acrobat Viewer to read this file. You can download it for free here.

This year my resolution thoughts have been a little different. It’s hard not to think about New Year’s resolutions when everyone around you is talking about them. I gave thought to the usual: I need to start exercising again; I should drink more water; I have to get organized; I need to cut back on some bad habits.

What has been keeping me from doing these things already? The answer is very obvious to me. It’s my attitude. It’s been a rough year and I have chosen to handle it by avoiding the problems and being miserable. Well, being miserable all the time is exhausting!! And it hasn’t improved anything.

So, this year…

I resolve to be HAPPY!

Now, that’s a big resolution. It’s general and difficult to define. To be honest, I don’t even have a plan to make that resolution a reality. I have to work on that. I need ideas. I won’t be able to change my attitude over night. It’s going to take time and it’s going to be difficult. I’m good at being depressed and I have to recondition myself to feel something different.

A few of my thoughts are a daily calendar with happy thoughts. What about finding an RSS feed with daily attitude adjustments? Music! Music is always good at changing my mood. I will have to create myself a song list that lifts me up. Reading books on happiness.

Please send me any suggestions/recommendations!

I resolve to be happy! I deserve it!

Kids are also home, on school break, and my routine is completely out of whack. I can’t get any work done without interruption.

I have lost my space. I have lost my routines. I’m freaking out and stressing out in every way imaginable.

Thank God I have a massage tomorrow morning!

It can be overwhelming and frustrating when life seems un-controllable. When we lose control of daily situations, it can feel like we are being pulled in different directions. Life simply becomes stressful!

No matter how stressed out we can get, know though that keeping our life balanced is not that difficult. There is no need to leave our job and our family or even run away and hide in a far away place just to feel at peace and in control. The truth is, life balance begins within us first and foremost – regardless of what is happening around us.

Here are three simple ways to help start us in our journey to finding inner peace, harmony and life balance:

1) Find some quiet time. Personal time is one of the things that get sacrificed when people get busy. We tend to focus all our energy to helping others, trying to accomplish more than one thing at one time, meeting goals, crossing off to-do lists and just trying to accomplish everything we possibly can.

To enjoy a balanced life, we need to remember that quiet time for ourselves is extremely necessary. It is easy to say that we do not have enough time for ourselves. It’s funny though that when a situation comes up where we need to allocate some time, we are able to make time for that project. Situations like this actually make us more focused, more energetic and more productive which in turn makes us happier. It is not impossible to find some quiet time for ourselves. When we do, we should enjoy and appreciate the silence; certain activities like meditation or reading can surely turn stress into peace and ultimately happiness.

2) Take time for self-care. We must take some time to do the things we enjoy so we can love ourselves everyday. Some things we can do to nurture ourselves are: making sure we get a full 8 hours of sleep, eating a balanced diet, getting a good amount of exercise and also positive self-talk.

When we are tired or stressed out, even the littlest problem can become a nightmare. But, when we are rested and relaxed, we are able to see things in a different light – we tend to see the positive in most situations. When we take the time to take care of ourselves, we are able to replace our burnt out energy quickly. It is easier for us to handle difficult situations and easier for us to find joy and peace in our everyday lives.

3) Learn to be flexible. The biggest cause of stress in most people is high expectations. We are all guilty of this at one point of time. We have a certain expectation on how our lives must be and we get irritated when things do not fall into place. Relax! Let’s take a deep breath and try our best to have a flexible state of mind.

We must try to remove ourselves from the stressful situation and look at it from a different angle. Why not try to go with the flow? When we allow ourselves to do this, we may find that our creativity in solving problems may come out. Imagine being like a tree bending with the breeze. We can move through challenging situations with no drama or frustrations.

These three simple steps can dramatically change our state of well-being. However, we may also want to examine our outer life circumstances. Pay attention to other menial changes we can make to help support our inner work.

One example that comes to mind is letting go of obligations that may no longer be enjoyable and meaningful to us. Agreeing to perform weekly tasks does not mean we need to do it forever especially if it starts to drain our time and energy. It is all right to let go of activities that no longer complement the lifestyle we want so we can have the time to commit to other things. By doing this, we can start to create a peaceful, joyful and a more balanced life.

Article brought to you by Real Life Guidance.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine…

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.  When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.  He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.  He asked once more if the jar was full.  The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.  The students laughed.

Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.  The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.’ The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.  The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.  The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.’ Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Play with your children.  Take time to get medical checkups.  Take your partner out to dinner.  Play another 18.  Do one more run down the ski slope.  There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter.  Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’ One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled.  ‘I’m glad you asked.  It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of glasses wine with a friend.’

“No” may be a tiny, two-letter word, but it can be your secret weapon. And you can say it. Here are some ways you can say “no” without feeling guilty about it:

Sorry, I’m taking a break.

The number one reason why you should say, “no” occasionally is simply that you deserve a break. You are chef, chauffeur, dish washer, and more. You job never ends on any given day of the week. You deserve a break. If you feel bad for saying “no,” say, “Sorry, I’m taking a break.”

My schedule is full.

We tend to jam-pack our schedule full of activities, leaving time for nothing. Cut back on your kids activities. Start a car pool and share driving responsibilities. Do whatever you can to free up some time in your schedule.

I don’t have time.

You’re headed out the door, rushing to the next appointment when the telephone rings. What do you do? Do you come to a screeching halt and answer the phone? Let’s say you do, and it’s a family member, calling to dump their latest woes on you. Do you stand, tapping your foot impatiently while you roll your eyes and listen to the sob story? This is a typical scene for many moms.

I have another commitment that day.

Say it and mean it. Regularly schedule in time with your family or time alone and if someone ask for your help during that time look in your planner and tell them you have another commitment.

Instead of rushing to be everything to everyone, stop. Ask yourself if you truly have time for whatever comes up. If not, say no by walking away, turning off the ringer on the phone, or not answering the knock at your door.

Always remember that you are a mom—not a super hero. When you have to say no, people will understand; if they don’t at first, they will get used to it eventually.

For more suggestions on living the life that you want to live visit Journey to Joy  (it is loaded with examples and action steps)

You Deserve a Break – 15 different ways to “Take a Break”

Top 10 Ways to Reconnect with Your Family - 4 pages of excellent suggestions on spending quality time with your family.

I hope you enjoy them!

I turned down a weekend trip to the beach with my girlfriends this summer for a multitude of different reasons.  I’ve regretted it ever since. 

Well…  They are planning another weekend get-away over Thanksgiving weekend.  And darn it!  I’m gonna go!!! 

Yeah…  It’s Thanksgiving weekend.  But we are going to spend turkey day with our families and wait until Friday to leave.   Yeah… It’s the beach in November…  but… so?

I haven’t spent a night away from my husband and children since….  2003!    (I’ve spent nights without either my husband or my children, but not without all of them.)

Yes, I am still trying to justify this to myself.  But I need it oh so badly. 

So, tell me what you think.  Give me your support.  Convince me that I need to do this.  You could even buy me a drink for my weekend away if you want to.  (Yes, I finally found an excuse to use the “buy me a beer” paypal donation thing.)  I’m leaving the donation amount open, so you can buy me a beer, a glass of wine, a mixed drink, or a round for me and my friends.  Just click on the margarita.  Thanks!!

Remember when I was playing with the online virtual makeover?  Everyone liked the hair color I “tried on” so much that I did it for real.  Then, I got brave, went back to Makeover Solutions and found a haircut too.  I brought pictures to my hairdresser and….

Before:

After:

For real this time.  I really did it!  What do you think?

Are YOU ready for a new look?