Bad Case of Déjà Vu
According to Wikipedia, Déjà Vu or promnesia, is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain. Is that what this is? Just a bad case of déjà vu? Because I swear I’ve cleaned this kitchen already. And I’m certain I lost this 20 pounds already. And I’m pretty sure I’ve sat in this exact spot, trying to work from home and making no real progress.
So pardon me while I whine and complain for a few minutes. Hopefully this will get me out of my Monday morning funk and get me moving again…
I’m tired! I’m tired of doing the same damn thing over and over again and ending up right where I started.
My kitchen sink is full of dishes. My dishwasher is also full of dishes and running. I know I did them yesterday! My kitchen floor is dirty. You know… the one I scrubbed on my hands and knees last weekend despite the fact that I’ve had back pain for a month? And I can’t get to my children’s beds to kiss them good night in the evenings without threat of getting sucked into the quick-sand of toys and clothes scattered across the room. Didn’t we just clean? UGH! I could go on and on. I won’t though, because I’m guessing that you’ve been there, done that. You know exactly what I mean, don’t you? And yes, I have met the FlyLady. And YES, I am being too picky!! (And yes, I did have to go back and put that second “o” in the “too” in that sentence because I have issues like that toO!)
So, what’s up with this twenty pounds? I’ve lost this same damn 20 pounds over and over and over again. I should SOOooo know better than to ask. Because I already know ALL the answers. Yes, I quit smoking in October. Yes, I ate too much during the holidays (was that four months ago already?). Yes, I’ve been working out and yes I know that muscle weighs more than fat. Yes, it probably has something to do with my level of stress and my prescription medication (which I won’t be able to keep taking now that I don’t have the insurance to pay for it). Yes, I am getting older and my metabolism is slowing down. SO WHAT? Have any of these reasons EVER made that mushroom top look more attractive? No! I didn’t think so! (Did I forget to mention the second serving of chili with cheese and sour cream I had last night? Or the cocktail I had? Oh Pleeeease! That has NOTHING to do with anything!)
And speaking of exercise, why is it that every time I start feeling like I’m making progress, something happens that forces me to stop? Last year I was starting to train to run a 5K. I’ve never ever been able to run more than a 1/4 mile without stopping, but I was making progress for the first time ever and …. Oops! I was in an accident and hit my head (bad enough to warrant an MRI) which took me off of the exercise agenda for weeks. That was the end of that. When I started running again, my shins gave out. Then when I started again, my back went out. What the heck? Is there some cosmic force telling me I shouldn’t exercise for some reason? Well, guess what? I’m not listening! I’m going to get back on that treadmill if it kills me! (Which it might.)
And now I have next to no income and HAVE to get my website businesses going. I HAVE to find some creative way to spur business and make this profitable or my children don’t get to eat. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be creative under that kind of pressure? (Okay… me and the other half of the population these days. Am I preaching to the choir? Sorry.)
And… and… and…. How am I doing with this self-pity party so far? Yeah, I thought so. But sometimes ya just gotta vent!
Yes, I know that I have complete control over ALL of this. And I’m going to go clean my dishes and get on my treadmill (where my creative juices will start to flow) and then I’ll get some website work done.
Because I can!
Because I won’t quit!
See? I feel better already!




